January 3 2014

My body challenges me. Daily. I have chronic pain. I have Insulin Resistance. The chronic pain started when I was in my mid twenties. I worked as a dog groomer and one day I was carrying a 60 lb husky across a wet floor and the dog started struggling in my arms which caused me to lose my balance and slip. Down I went, with the dog on top of me and in a split second I had an injury that would haunt me for the rest of my life. 

That's not all. Besides a tricky lower lumbar/sciatica, I also carry a lot of body tension that usually concentrates in my shoulders, neck and jaw and behind my eyes. Some days I am trapped in this pain all day. It's become a part of me. 

Then there is the IR. For years I couldn't get a diagnosis because my fasting blood sugar was "normal." So the doctors just patted my head and said "it's all in your head, nothing wrong here." Then I read an amazing book by Mark Hyman about Insulin Resistance and how the test for it is NOT a fasting glucose test, but a glucose tolerance test. I found out last year that there was something wrong with me and I was not crazy. Every crappy way I was feeling was because of something real going on in my body.  

So this brings me to today's gratitude. I am grateful that my body talks to me. It tells me when it is not happy. It tells me when I'm doing something wrong. Something not good for me. This pain, these hypoglycemic symptoms are important messages for me. They will save my life. Do you know that some people don't get blood sugar crash symptoms. They go from feeling normal one minute to falling into a coma the next. When I get my awful symptoms I have to find food fast. Each time I go through this I thank my body for sending me emergency signals. I am also thankful that I have food to feed myself. Maybe that won't always be the case, so with every meal I am thankful that my body has what it needs to survive the moment. 

Today I am having a pain day. My shoulders feel like there is a 50 lb weight on each. There is pain in my neck, my head and behind both eyes. Sometimes it makes it hard to concentrate, but not today. I'm OK enough to do my daily tasks. Since I've been on my IR diet, my pain episodes have been less frequent. So when I'm having a bad day, it causes me to reflect and realize that its been quite some time since I felt bad. Up until a year or so ago, I would go for weeks on end in pain every day. I'm grateful I haven't lived that life for a while. 

When I'm having a pain day, it reminds me to get some exercise, for stretching helps. When I have a bad insulin resistance day, it reminds me to get back on track with my health. So this is why, even though I'm in pain, my gratitude attitude is to thank my body for sending me its lessons. My body journey is a process. Bad days remind me of that. They remind me that I am making process because they cause me to reflect that I have had good days. Whatever my body throws at me, painful, scary, out of control... it always reminds me that I need to direct compassion, patience, care, and love towards myself. This is always a blessing. A challenge, but also a blessing. So today I thank my body for its pain signals and its hypoglycemic signals and for reminding me to love myself enough to care for myself. I'm grateful for my body. <3 <3