January 2 2014

Today, as usual, I had a lot to be grateful and thankful for. I met with a friend and we shared a mutual birthday celebration lunch and gift exchange. (Our birthdays are mere days apart.) Oddly though, it was this little window of "me time" in the early morning hours, between Greg leaving for work and my kids getting up that I felt the most at peace and in the moment. 

It was a very dark and rainy morning today. I had woken up early shortly after my husband got up, and I had a feeling of unexplained fear. Now to explain, in the past I've had issues with my blood sugar and have had to completely change my diet. This resulted in a strange balance period where I would have wild blood sugar crashes and swings. Sometimes these would happen first thing in the morning and other times throughout the day. These can be scary as I experienced (sometimes very extreme) hypoglycemic episodes. I'm much better now but there is still a left over feeling of fear that I'm going head into one of these episodes at any moment. So I got up. It was only 6:15 am. Turned out I was fine. Totally fine. 

After my husband left, I was sitting on the couch surfing facebook when I just stopped, leaned back on the couch and listened to the rain. I listened to the darkness, the quiet and the outside noises of cars swishing their way to work, the dog breathing, the cat making little mewy sleepy stretchy noises and I just felt a sense of peace and gladness come over me. 

It was far too early for the risk of anything disturbing my thoughts. It was too early for anyone or any thing to make a demand on me. (I work at home in an "on call" type situation for my various jobs and so I constantly live under the threat of "anything can disturb my thoughts, actions, intentions and peace at any time.") But this moment was 100% mine. So I welcomed it as my little window of peace. I embraced it. I let it be mine. 

I can't tell you how fantastic it felt not to have to be anything to anyone just in that brief moment. Not having to entertain anyone, feed anyone, help anyone or think about how I'd better get up in one second or three or five because I needed to get ready for something going down, or I "should" be doing this task. Nope Nope Nope. All I had to do was sit and enjoy the moment in my natural state. Pure and fully awake aware and present. 

I could write 10,000 words about the blessings of today alone but this silent moment all to myself is what really felt 100% where my soul needed to go to be nourished.